Two years ago…

12 11 2007

we were getting ready for our embryo transfer, finally. After months of waiting, months of delays, months of injection after injection… it was finally happening.

Yesterday in church I met the daughter of a church member, who was going through infertility treatments when we were going through the embryo transfer. Only, their treatments were successful, and they have a beautiful baby boy to prove it. Meeting them was good, as I had prayed for them back then… and she said she continues to pray for us, now. Meeting them was good, because they are the daughter/son-in-law/grand-son of members. But meeting them was also difficult, as it reminded me that we could have a beautiful baby (over a year) now… but don’t.

So in this prolonged season (do “seasons” actually last more than two/three years?) of waiting, I am sometimes sad. I have been able, recently, to put my feelings about childlessness in a box on the shelf until I have time to deal with them again. Been able, or had no choice, not sure which. In order to keep moving forward with life, while waiting for this endless adoption process to come to a joyful end, I’ve had to put my feelings away for the time-being. But last night the box fell off the shelf, and the feelings came tumbling out, making a huge mess. And I’m feeling sad today. Sad, and pressed, and crushed.

How long, O God? How long?

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2 responses

19 11 2007
Kathie Bouchard

I am sad for you and pray that you will eventually have as many children as you can handle. Couples like you two should be the ones raising the next generation. Not getting married until 31, I know a little of what it is to wait and wonder how to order ones life – not knowing. In my twenties I was also filling my life with interesting, fun experiences (travel…), but really wanting a husband.

I talked with a 35 year old mother of 3 last week who is looking forward to being my age and being an empty nester and traveling. (Remember I have the baby you held yesterday). I went away wondering how I can explain to her that these are the best/most important years of her life – raising her children. However, I would probably be just like her if I had my first while still in college as she did. While in college my feet were just itching to get out and explore the world – if children had interrupted that, I might have resented it some. I know that when you become a mother you will delight in the experience without any reservations.

20 11 2007
madcitycat

Kathie,
Thank you for your kind thoughts. It was wonderful to meet you, and I look forward to the next time you’re in Madison, visiting.

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